#145 – recording his log IYKWIM

14 Comments on #145 – recording his log IYKWIM

Well that got weird.

I’ve been thinking about having Riker do a self-cybering “Bill Striker: Erotic Frontiersman” monologue for a long time now and might find my way there still at some point because I find the idea of him narrating his own saucy author-insert adventures sort of hilarious and fodder for some unrestrained Randy Rikerism stuff. But this sort of went the lonely pathos uncomfortableness route instead, because apparently I wanted to crawl around for a while inside Riker’s dysfunctional coif? I don’t know, this project takes me in unexpected directions.

I asked twitter for Riker-in-sleepclothes episode suggestions and got a bunch of good pointers, but in the interest of time I actually ended up in the mean time pulling these from The Host, the episode that in Larp Trek terms hasn’t happened yet and presumably never will where Bev macks on a Trill negotiator who then gets horribly wounded and so has to have his trill symbiote implanted in Riker, who Bev then also macks on bit before further things happen.

So these aren’t really pajamas or bathrobe, it’s just a civilian outfit, but that plunging neckline was good enough for me for these purposes.

In related Riker news, I am, along with apparently the rest of the internet, delighted this morning by a little site called Scroll Down To Riker, which does exactly what it says it does if you do what it says to do. I feel like it could use a lot more Rikerisms, but it’s not like I did the work so I should really just be thankful it’s there. And I am!

#143 – Will Riker Or Won’t He

11 Comments on #143 – Will Riker Or Won’t He

To set the mood for Riker’s quarters, you should really open something like this in another tab before reading. And maybe light some aromatic candle and spritz a little Axe Body spray in your eye.

These two, I just don’t know. I remember Frakes and Sirtis sitting around in some interview I saw at some point, I don’t even remember for what but I think it was on the more recent side, and joking about how they wanted to pitch a spinoff show about Riker and Troi as an old married couple just being all married and sitcom-ish, and they were clearly just goofing but my immediate reaction was YES WHY IS THAT NOT A THING. I don’t really personally see them as every working as married, certainly not long term, but I’d love to see something done with it as much for the bickering as anything.

Maybe some eccentric billionaire can turn it into a whole ongoing sketchy comedy series at some point: get famous TV/movie couples (or Are They A Couple couples) back together to do a one-off episode each of life ten, twenty, thirty years down the line, whatever works for actor age and making it funny. Will and Deanna; Dana and Fox; Scarecrow and Mrs. King; Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves; Snape and Malfoy; etc.

#142 – Goodnight (That’s No) Moon

19 Comments on #142 – Goodnight (That’s No) Moon

I’m hoping that by giving basically the exact same amount of strip space today to an actual Deep Space Nine episode as I do to Star Wars, I can instigate some sort of fascinating, click-baiting canon fight. I’ll be rich! I believe that’s how it works, anyway.

But, maybe we’ll come back to The Storyteller a little later and give it more than a paragraph? I dunno. Pros: O’Brien and Bashir not getting along super well, O’Brien being profoundly uncomfortable. Cons: actually a pretty boring episode. Doing it justice would mean sitting through it again. Hrm. Dilemmas. The life of the artist is a hard one.

But, yes, anyway, after all that nuttiness with Opaka and Battle Lines it sort of feels like the crew could use a break for the evening, so I might write up a few little peeks into non-game life again before they jump into their third session. Maybe Riker will go on that date! Maybe the Captain will sit quietly in his quarters, reading 18th C. earth literature! Maybe Data will sit quietly in his quarters, staring unmoving and unblinking at the wall, calculating prime numbers! COULD GET PRETTY CRAZY IN HERE.

#141 – The Rotatorcuffelation of St. John

10 Comments on #141 – The Rotatorcuffelation of St. John

Weird how the creative brain works, that bad mood and wrong headspace made me have to just give up on getting this written twice this week (people who know my history with creative projects probably find there to be nothing more worrying me than me unexpectedly not updating twice in a row, because then what if it’s three times, four times, indefinitely; I find it sort of terrifying myself), but then it was just boom, written in ten minutes this morning once it finally started coming out. I knew I wanted Geordi to give the Kai some sort of exit, but I just didn’t know exactly what shape it’d be.

Turns out it’s shaped like a rectangle made of smaller squares. Probably could have seen that coming.

Anyway: smell you later, Opaka. I’m surprised this episode ended up eating as much strip up as it did, but I like what I ended up getting out of it and it was nice to finally get some proper closure on Riker’s weird paranoia about the Kai. Well, about this Kai. I guess we’ll see what happens when Louise Fletcher hits the scene, though there’s a bit more of season one between now and then.

Thanks for sticking out the wait, folks. Hopefully we won’t have another one of those any time soon.

In a plugging-my-other-stuff update, I mentioned my new podcast The Crapshoot the other day, and that’s marching along nicely; we’ve got a second episode up, now, that includes some nattering on about Myst and recent games that owe it something, as well as the hard scifi question of whether and how you would go about throwing a baseball into the sun from the moon.

Planet would explode.

#140 – Smugly Becoming IYKWIM

14 Comments on #140 – Smugly Becoming IYKWIM

A brief plug: I juuuust launched a new podcast I’m doing, a weekly amiable-bullshitting thing called The Crapshoot. It’s fun, it’s funny, I’m enjoying making it with my cohost Jesse Holden, and if you’re the sort of person who listens to podcasts I hope you’ll give it a listen, tell your friends, etc. You can even just snag the iTunes link if you want the laziest possible route to becoming a listener.

(And yes, I’m still doing that Hellraiser podcast as well! Though we ran out of Hellraiser movies a while ago so now it’s other horror flicks. Turns out I like talking!)

So, but, yes: my thinking is that in Geordi’s expected script for this adventure:

– The DS9 crew helped the Ennis and Nol-Ennis resolve their differences, possibly by broaching a peace or maybe by using some game-changer in the way the satellites work to enforce a cease fire

– and Kai Opaka returned refreshed from her encounter with the Ennis and Nol-Ennis, seeing the internal struggles of the newly liberated Bajoran society as a sort of macroscopic version of the erstwhile-intractable feud between these prison planet occupants

So, that went well. And is there anything smugger than a smug Riker? He may not have gotten to become immortal and change the face of humanoid existence forever, but at least, at the end, he managed (however inadvertently) to finally deal with that Kai Opaka problem. That’s a win for Team Pistol Fingers, however you look at it.

That same disk issue with Dreamhost this morning, same added delay on top of my own casual relationship with the concept of posting deadlines. Hopefully that get that figured out properly this time.

#138 – Let’s Get Physiological, Physiological

13 Comments on #138 – Let’s Get Physiological, Physiological

I seriously had no idea that this was where this was going when I started down this road a few weeks ago. WRITING IS AN ADVENTURE.

But, yeah, this episode’s premise raises a lot of questions about the scientific thingy at the heart of it that never get answered, which is par for the course with Star Trek but it’s always awful conspicuous when the thing they’re not bothering to explain or dedicate even any serious attention to is something like IMMORTALITY NANITES or whatever.

Like, it’s a miracle! But there’s a problem that means we can’t immediately capitalize on that miracle. I know! Let’s just go on with our lives and not dedicate a massive scientific effort into mitigating the problem, it’s not like that would be worth it for DESTROYING DEATH.

But then there’s problems on the flipside too, here, like, how exactly does this shit operate that people just magically heal up, apparently even of arbitrary species, in a way that makes them not age, not die, but also not suffer all kinds of horrific side effects due to the apparent onset of total biological stasis? Can you still form memories if bugs in your brain are constantly trying to keep things in shape? Does your hair grow? Your fingernails? Can you get pregnant? Can you ever give birth if you arrived pregnant? Would a nearly-due baby end up developing mentally somewhat during its eternity in the womb? Do you need to ever eat?

Are these people basically zombies in every meaningful sense other than the moaning and the grey skin makeup?

If you wanted to take out your immortal enemies, wouldn’t you maybe just try to capture them one or two at a time and dismember their eternal bodies and store the limbs in secure places so that, immortal or not, they’d be out of the picture? How shitty are these folks at eternal warring that they seem to still be at some stalemate however many generations later?

Etc. I have questions, Star Trek.

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